the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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