Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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