End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize