Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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