My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
