I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
