no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
