Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
