we have pet lesbian snakes
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
