How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
