After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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