weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
