And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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