i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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