i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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