ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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