Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize