Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
