Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
