it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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