i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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