I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
