i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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