bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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