while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
