I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
