just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
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Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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