apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
