Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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