This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
