I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
