you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
