Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
