good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
