I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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