I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
