how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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