Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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