Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
