is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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