Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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