So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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