I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Randomize
