Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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