I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
