Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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