It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
