I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
