it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Bring me that man meat
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
