I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
