I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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