the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
