I just cut my nipple shaving
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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