do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
