shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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