I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
