why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
