what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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